Friday, March 7, 2008

I'm Back! And Hating MTV for Being Chicken Soup

I am so sad I have cable again.

OMG I can't believe I just said that. But not even new episodes of South Park, Millionaire Matchmaker, or catching VH1's special on "Britney's Secret Childhood" could recover me from the deep dark pit of despair that Satan's lackey, aka MTV, has thrown me into. Like Catholic boarding school, there is no food, hope is discouraged, and there is no known means of escape.

Let me clarify to anyone currently burning my effigy. MTV certainly has its high points in entertainment value. I can always use a good Hills episode to boost my self-esteem; to remind myself that at least I'm not the most spoiled, ignorant, self-absorbed person on the planet. I also enjoy Rob and Big from time to time, and True Life when the subject matter is a little more significant than True Life: I'm in High School, or True Life: I Broke a Nail. MTV was also responsible for Britney's "comeback" at the VMA awards which I know speaks for itself.


Here's my beef with MTV. First, TRL is the single worst show of all time. All the kids who were too irritating to get a job anywhere else, MTV handed them mics and said here, please talk about music for an hour. I feel deep sadness just speaking about this.

Also, if there is an artist I find redeeming somewhere in their lineup of usually annoying, over-commercialized music videos (70% of which objectify women, according to a statistic I made up for this comment), MTV somehow manages to squelch my interest. In case we only tune in every ten days, MTV plays the same shit 24/7, making sure to beat into our heads the exact choreography used in Heidi Montag's latest video (for all interested, there's really no dancing, just Heidi lipsynching in a bikini. So..... what's new). Only Spencer Pratt could produce something this cheap/cheesy/lame. To recap, MTV plays a lot of bad music, and when on the off chance they don't, genius producers still manage to ruin the good stuff for me. At least temporarily. Like when chicken soup is too hot and burns your tongue and you're turned off it for like two weeks. Damn you MTV and your chicken soup ways....

Case in point: Vampire Weekend. How I love(d) VW! But MTV has once again snuffed out the beauty in a great band, turning them into the worst kind of commercial tool. I miss the old, indie Vampire Weekend, who would pop on Hype Machine but not between episodes of Next and Sweet Sixteen. "Oxford Comma" is not the same to me anymore. A pox on you, eMptyTV. I have been forced to shelve this wonderful cd until further notice.

On the bright side I have tons of new music goodies to share, a spanking new MacBook Pro to store them all on (its so pretty), and a new location (Seattle!) to report from. Since today is Friday, I'm in Shuffle, I'll just give you the verbal teaser: Stay tuned for awesomeness. I'll get reporting on the latest and greatest next week, seeing as its Daylight Savings Time this weekend, America's newest national holiday. For now enjoy these tunes and not MTV. Unless its Randy Jackson present's America's Best Dance Crew; that show is pretty amazing.

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