So today I'm bored enough to finally start blogging. Its between this and alphabetising my porn collection. Unfortunately I remember I have yet to build said collection. Its also Monday, so the Toy Box is only open during prime sexual perversion hours (somewhere between midnight and white trash); when they're guaranteed that the greatest number of sexual predators and deviants will emerge from behind their computers to shop. As I make it a rule never to visit sex shops past the standard 3 pm "rape-me-not" curfew, here I am. A Blogger. The good news is I only hate myself for it a little so far. Give it time; Soon enough I'll have yet another hobby that makes me feel like a tool.
So, I'm in college. Can you smell the beer on me? I'm not very smart. Not gifted academically. But I will say I'm proud of my fifth-grade level life observations, remedial findings if you will. This includes my daily "WTF"s and the occasional "This Really Happened When I Was Sober". The deal I inked sets the book release at sometime late next year; and I'm told excerpts will be published in Playboy any day now.
Todays WTF: Tinted Windows
I will never understand tinted windows for anyone who hasn't received death threats. What is it exactly you want us all to believe you're doing in your car? Smoking crack? Getting roadhead? Face it; Lohan's got more coke in her system than you can fit in your sedan, and your girlfriend's got problematic big teeth. Quit tinting your windows, at least until you're famous. Then you probably will be doing all these illicit activities - at once. Probably with your vagina showing.
In college, your level of class enjoyment/satisfaction is directly correlated to the number of hippies who take their shoes off in class. Its true, I had a made-up firm run the statistics on this one. The more people who slip their B-Stocks off to in your 1-hour lecture, the shittier time you are guaranteed to have. If its a seminar, remove all sharp objects from within reach, you may feel the urge around hour 2.5 to stab yourself in the ocular.
Smelly feet isn't even the issue here. I like to play the lets-not-shower-for-days-until-we-start-to-lose-all-our-friends game as much as the next person. The malodorous environment is not the holdup. It's the fact your class is filled with the kind of people who feel comfortable enough taking their shoes off in class. AKA Douchebags. People who like inconveniencing your day to give their toes a little breeze. People who like hearing the sound of their own voice more than all the sex they're not having. If you finally get one word in, prepare to have it bitch slapped in your face by these pricks. AKA Philosophy majors. Maybe I'm just in the wrong class for people wanting to maintain their sanity; Or some sense of truth.
Next Year at this time I'll be checking myself into rehab for compulsive bullshitters. George W and I plan on rooming together. I want him on my Scrabble team (we play 'President Rules') so we can finally kick the clergy's ass in something other than lawn bowling.
Songs You Should Be Listening to Today
- Duran Duran, Girls on Film
- Delinquet Habits, Return of the Tres
- Eric Hutchinson, Oh!
- The Bravery, Believe
- Azure Ray, Displaced
Album You Should Go Out and Buy Today
- The Replacements, Let it Be