Shame Knows No Who?

There are a few things in this world that can only be said after several nights of insomnia and following the unwise consumption of large amounts of sugar and/or caffeine. Things you should usually tar and feather my candy ass for. For instance, if I were to admit that Dave Matthews actually sounded good to me today when I turned on some nondescript radio station. Or the fact that I found myself choosing "Teams" after watching the latest episode of MTV's The Hills.

See, this is what happened to Eve in the Garden of Eden. She was probably up every night satisfying Adam's needs. Verbal needs of course; I know how men like to carry on about their feelings past 10. Up all night listening to Adam's latest "mommy didn't love me" diatribe, and those precious hours of sleep and sanity slipped through her divinely created fingers. Whats a girl to do? Concentrate on that shitty amount of beauty rest? I think not. Hallucinations, vivid dreams, the simulated effect of PCP is a more likely result. So yeah, a snake starts talking to you and offers you a pretty apple. I'd take it too. Most likely she hasn't eaten in a few days because Adam's insisting on her sticking with the anorexia so he can stand to look at her naked all day. You're tired. You're anemic. And you might have cracked a rib during one of your late-night "talking" sessions. Now wouldn't you take that apple?

As an avid fan of the classic, The Jungle Book, my thought process wouldn't be "Oh, a talking snake. Must be the devil." I think if you're honest with the Mogli inside yourself, you'd agree.

Understand her state of mind people. Its like going to buy a used car hungover, or trying to pay your bar tab at Senor Frogs after ten too many Jello shots on "Chicas Americanas" night. Duress duress duress. Celebs use that excuse all the time to back out of DUI, gun possession, even murder charges. And what is Eve if not the original, the most infamous paparazzi whore. I thought Britney had it bad for putting on five pounds, but look at the kind of press Eve got for eating a f*cking apple. I'm sure the tabloids in Paradise made a killing. Someone got the exclusive rights to "First woman eats apple: Could this mean the Fall of Man...handles?"

I realize this little rant is shamelessly critical of my own religion. But I mean, I pay my church dues; I've already got my ticket to Heaven. So not really. Although Jesus did tell me once that if I gave him a shoutout on my blog I'd see pearly gates. The worldwide web being the largest collection of sinners, as well as insecure, misguided youth seeking leadership on the planet. He wants to get his two Christian cents in before that crazy witch Tom Cruise finds out. So I said I'd think about it - corporate plugs really aren't my thing. And I'm glad to say both parties came to a mutually beneficial agreement. God gets one more advertisement for conversion and I get to plant the biggest appletree Heaven has never seen. Johnny Appleseed be damned.

No seriously I think he might be damned. God let it slip once.

Bump Right Now
The Go! Team: Grip Like a Vice


Songs You Should Be Listening to Today
Band of Horses - No One's Gonna Love You
Lupe Fiasco - Dumb it Down
Stars of Track and Field - With You
Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water
PlayRadioPlay! - Compliment Each Other Like Colors

Album to Go Out and Buy
Mavis Staples - We'll Never Turn Back

Quit Being a Bitch and But Tickets For
Blonde Redhead with Autolux
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Wiltern
Doors: 8:00 pm | Show: 9:00 pm